A considerable amount of time has past since my last post, partly due to a laptop sized hole in my life and partly because of the sheer volume of work I've had on. I was forced to take on part time work in Telephone Fundraising because money was tight and the stress was having a worrying impact on my work. But, the nature of cold-calling conflicts with my core values and beliefs, and with the therapeutic skills I am attaining through my course. Thankfully, I was able to quit that job, and I am now free to focus my mind once more.
Creatively, I am bouncing high. My confidence has soared in recent weeks, and I'm genuinely proud of recent pieces of work I have produced. I'm chipping away slowly but surely at the inhibiting artistic values with which I was raised (note: i mean this only of my academic teaching, not of my personal upbringing). I am gradually losing the feelings of frustration that frequently haunted me until recently - frustration that stemmed from what I assumed was my struggle to produce work of high quality whilst being surrounded by peers who's work was creatively excellent.
One of my course modules, aptly named The Creative Process in the Development of Self Awareness, has enabled me to ground myself, to slow my thought processes down so that I am able to work at a slower pace without feeling like I have failed somehow. I truly believe that the rapid development of skills in my creative work is a direct consequence of this.
I've discovered my most recent coping strategy for anxiety. It involves scribbles (usually created whilst in a low state of mind), which I then proceed to colour in when in a heightened state of anxiety (often days after the initial drawings are made) - I find that having boundaries on the paper and being able to create patterns quite mindlessly somehow enables me to calm myself.
That's all I can muster for now, but I'll be back later I'm sure!
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