Caring @ Christmas # Creative Writing Project #

28th December 2010

During a volunteer shift at Bristol's Caring at Christmas Homeless Shelter, I was given the opportunity to take part in a creative writing workshop, facilitated by a lady named Khrysia. Participants, myself included, selected an image and a leading sentence. We then wrote freely for 20minutes, with reference to the image and sentence chosen.

Below is my piece. I chose a photograph of some red flowers in white vases and the sentence "when I was a child I was convinced I would be..."

As a child I was convinced I would be

A graduate

A success,

Totally free

A driver

No children

A one-bed flat

An artist, a scientist

Rid of my fat.

A countryside dweller,

A city girl

Detached from ignorance,

The colour red was very

Significant.

Hounds in gardens

Hounds in fields,

Wax jackets

Rifles

Not hair and nails.

Animals not people.

I do not know the name of these plants

But they were always there.

When I was a child

I was convinced I would be

Here right now, where I want to be.

It’s hard to write extensively

before it becomes fake and constructed.

My obsession with beauty and grammar stops

words flowing freely. 

My hands are cramping.

It’s cold and raw.

When I was a child I was convinced I would be

here right now where I always wanted to be

I was surprised at how easily those words came, how comfortable I felt, how real I was able to be when sat with three others, including two men visiting the shelter, who's struggles in life I can't begin to comprehend.

It's been a while...

A considerable amount of time has past since my last post,  partly due to a laptop sized hole in my life and partly because of the sheer volume of work I've had on. I was forced to take on part time work in Telephone Fundraising because money was tight and the stress was having a worrying impact on my work. But, the nature of cold-calling conflicts with my core values and beliefs, and with the therapeutic skills I am attaining through my course. Thankfully, I was able to quit that job, and I am now free to focus my mind once more. 


Creatively, I am bouncing high. My confidence has soared in recent weeks, and I'm genuinely proud of recent pieces of work I have produced. I'm chipping away slowly but surely at the inhibiting artistic values with which I was raised (note: i mean this only of my academic teaching, not of my personal upbringing). I am gradually losing the feelings of frustration that frequently haunted me until recently - frustration that stemmed from what I assumed was my struggle to produce work of high quality whilst being surrounded by peers who's work was creatively excellent.

One of my course modules, aptly named The Creative Process in  the Development of Self Awareness, has enabled me to ground myself, to slow my thought processes down so that I am able to work at a slower pace without feeling like I have failed somehow. I truly believe that the rapid development of skills in my creative work is a direct consequence of this.

I've discovered my most recent coping strategy for anxiety. It involves scribbles (usually created whilst in a low state of mind), which I then proceed to colour in when in a heightened state of anxiety (often days after the initial drawings are made) - I find that having boundaries on the paper and being able to create patterns quite mindlessly somehow enables me to calm myself.

That's all I can muster for now, but I'll be back later I'm sure!
  

Le Journal

A selection of Images From My Reflective Journal

**10 Things I Made From My Room** Summer 2010

L-R: A Reconstructed Text Book, a pair of customised knickers, a safety pin necklace and a wrist corsage.

Cover of reconstructed psychology text book, constructed using shoe glue.

Wrist Corsage, made from remnants of dress fabric and the elastic from a pair of old (clean) knickers.

Safety Pin/Dolls House Peg Necklace. Made from gold safety pins, clothes hanging tags and ornament pegs.

Hair corsage and paper weight. Made using fabric remnants and knicker elastic plus a charm from an old necklace and some left-over dolls pegs.

Necklace made up of old earrings and an old neck chain.

 Over the course of two days, I created several different objects from reconstructed garments, books and jewellery, using nothing but materials from my bedroom. The idea came to me after feelings of frustration at being unable to buy the materials needed for another, similar project.

The Course...General Thoughts.

There is not a doubt in my mind that this course (FdA Creative Arts Therapy Studies) is the right one for me. I find it deeply engaging, and the concepts behind the use of Arts in Therapy is, of course, very interesting. The combination creative activity and academic study ticks all the boxes, and I am in no doubt that both will be good foundation blocks for my intended future studies.

With regards to further study, just recently I have been toying with the idea of going all-out and studying Art Psychotherapy after this course. The options are endless, within reason, of course!

Our lecturers are practitioners themselves, and this is what I believe makes our course so beneficial and unique. The sessions are fun, and all learning styles are accepted - I feel I have learnt more about psychology here in my first term than I did in previous psychology courses I have undertaken. 

As with most things in life, there are areas that pose problems for me. The modules we are on at the moment (Arts+Health, Marketing, Self Awareness and Relationships) are all so intricately linked that I find it difficult to keep my work organised and my assignments in order. A pin board may be the solution!

To miss just one lecture/session on this course makes it unbelievably easy to slip out of the loop and fall behind, unlike other courses where emailed lecture notes are a simple solution to the problem (or so I'm told).  I missed one day (albeit unavoidably, due to my being unable to actually move) two weeks ago, and I still feel like I missed a lot.

On a final note, I would very much love to see this course extended to a full 3yr BAHons. The general feeling throughout my class is a slight concern that an FdA won't be as easily recognised by a potential employer. But, only time will tell! And, in my new capacity as a Student Rep, I will most definitely be airing my views on this subject. That, and a microwave/kettle for the student room.

Tea Mugs and Epilepsy Drugs

I have had an amazingly productive 24 hours, culminating in a rather fruitful Doctors appointment. From tomorrow I will be reducing my anti-depressants (Sertraline) and starting a drug used to control epilepsy for my nerve pain/muscle spasms. I'm feeling positive about this. My GP is also convinced that my depression has eased as a result of being in a therapeutic setting on a regular basis.

Being with my parents in Somerset, tea drinking has been inevitable. Musgrove Park Hospital can also be found here in Somerset, and it's somewhere I'm very keen to do a work placement in.

Check out the link:
http://www.artforlife.nhs.uk/Home/tabid/920/Default.aspx

Martin Buber (1878 - 1965) - Jewish Philosopher, Theologian and... Bible Translator. Oh Joy!

In preparation for a short presentation that I will be attempting on Buber, I have decided to question his "I Thou/I It" theory.

The essay was written in German, with his use of the German language said to be "unconventional", how can we be sure that the translation into English is accurate, and that we thus interpret it's meanings as Buber would have intended?


There are different versions of the translation. Which is more accurate? Even without the need for translation into another language, if his use of German was unconventional then surely it is easier to misinterpret his intended meaning?


Buber suggests that we can all have a relationship with God, and that any inter-human relationship is merely a reflection of the human relationship with God. The obvious question being; Does God actually exist? Surely if there is no God, his theory is a little weightless?



Updated: 28th October ~ Further Thoughts and Questions...


Gestalt Therapy was founded by Fritz and Laura Perl and Paul Goodman in the 1940s/50s. Laura Perl became personally associated with Martin Buber whilst living in Frankfurt. She is said to have been a fan of his lectures.



"The basic messages and concepts of existential philosophy became the philosophical foundation of Gestalt Therapy". (Gestalt Therapy website).



Gestalt Therapy often uses the 'open chair' technique, in which the person having therapy talks to an empty chair - talking to someone who isn't there. Is this a spin-off from talking to God? It's proven to benefit people who are quite closed, who find it difficult to express themselves freely to another person. So, even if God doesn't exist, surely this makes Bubers work useful? 

Zac and The Six Piece Story

~Hero~Problem~Helper~Obstacle~Solution~Outcome~

This is the first time I have attempted to run an activity with anyone outside of my course. I found working with someone who perhaps isn't as creative (and possibly a little sceptical) was very challenging. When I have been presented with these tasks in our group sessions at Uni, I have been happy and comfortable with just 'going along' with what I had been instructed to do because I knew the underlying purpose. For someone attending a session who struggles to do something without knowing the exact reasoning behind it, this type of exercise may present significant challenges and cause distress/anxiety. As a leader, I think I need to work on briefing my service users more effectively before allowing them to undertake an exercise.

An Exerpt From My Journal...21st October 2010

"I haven't written for some days now, which is odd because this has been the week in which my passion for, and belief in this work has been compounded - set in concrete. I was on a mental high last week, after delivering my first facilitation to people on my course. The rest of the week was tainted by illness, forcing me to miss (albeit reluctantly) a whole day of Uni. I think the only way I can successfully overcome these sudden onsets of crippledness is to ensure that I stay ahead of the game, academically."


Keep Reading, Keep Talking, Keep Creating and Keep Thinking!